I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize