Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize