I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think my fart just growled at me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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