Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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