She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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