Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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