you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The air taste purple.
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