I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
