so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
