You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize