Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
