I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this beer tastes like vomit already
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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