He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
