How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize