Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
