I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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