this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
