we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
