Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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