I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
