Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
