I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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