At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
