so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
