i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize