i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
