I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize