who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Couch. On fire.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
