bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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