Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Randomize
