I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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