dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
