I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
