Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
