I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
