5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize