So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dear god my vagina.
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