Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
