So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
