dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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