i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
