"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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