Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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