Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
