Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
please come you make the beer taste better
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
