Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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