I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
