You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
