Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just forgot I was standing up.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
