so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Rumble strips road head = magical
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize