it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
