This is not my ceiling
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
