i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
