guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
