my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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