I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
