I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
