it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
