Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
