SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
