I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
