I want to have your abortion
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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