sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We had sex on a dog bed..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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