So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
