I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
