she smelled like a LAN party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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