There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
