whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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