Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
