Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's just like the Real World with babies
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
