I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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